Etiquette of The British Summer

For those of us residing in the UK, believe it or not we are officially in summer, however there are those of us that don't quite understand summer etiquette. “Is there such a thing?” you may ask! Yes there is and I have created my top ten rules to keep all of you lovely people safe and sound this summer.

My top ten tips will keep you right at home or abroad. Please feel free to share this with your family and friends in order for them not to embarrass you or themselves this summer.

1 Ladies - When out and about in the summer heat, may I suggest you carry a Parasol / Umbrella. Something plain is best, perhaps white and no slogans.

2. Can we please avoid sandals with socks and certainly no plastic crocs! Crocs are best left in fresh water animal reserves.

3. During the summer months, I recommend linen clothes for daytime invitations, which are ideal for men and ladies. Gentleman, may I suggest a nice pair chinos or corduroys with a linen shirt and jacket. Ladies, I recommend a daytime summer dress. Remember white is a good colour as it also reflects the heat from you which assists with keeping cool. For evening cocktails light summer clothes or tailored shirts and suits are appropriate.

4. Shorts should be an appropriate length. Not too long (short trousers) and not too short (hotpants). Pair with a good pair of boat shoes or sandals. A Panama hat would be more appropriate for men and ladies can wear a smart sun hat but nothing floppy. Gentlemen please remember we remove hats when we go indoors and ladies you may keep them on.

5. Sunglasses are becoming a fashion accessory which they are not. They are protection for your eyes from sunlight, not from light bulbs indoors! We remove them these indoors and that doesn't mean we place them on our head. If you wish to keep your hair in place then use a hairband. We also remove sun glasses both in and outdoors when talking to someone.

6. Gentlemen, can we please keep shirts on in public places such as the high street as although you may consider yourself a Baywatch lifeguard, to the rest of us you represent a scene from crimewatch.

7. Always apply plenty of sun lotion, as the look of an overdone lobster may suit a lobster but for the rest of us it is not a recommended look, not to mention the pain we would inflict on ourselves. No fake tans for anybody! You may think you look fabulous but to the rest of the world you look like a tangerine.

8.When lying on a beach, be respectful of other visitors, they may not appreciate public displays of affection. Remember noisy children who enjoy throwing water over each other may not be appreciated by the elderly couple sunbathing quietly so keep the little ones in order and always be respectful of others.

9. No tissues on the head. Why on earth men with a shortage of hair wish to put a handkerchief on their head I will never know and worry if they remember when they last used it. So dear Victor Meldrew men, the handkerchief stays in one area, the breast pocket of the jacket. If you wish to put something on your head then may I suggest a hat.

10. If you are having a summer party make sure you let the neighbours know so they are prepared for their street to become the NCP Car park. It would be an advisable idea to perhaps invite them, you may find yourself up for the Nobel peace prize, and not have the police knocking at midnight!